Ben
so many people came to your viewing. Kids from your school, teachers, firemen from the fire dept where you worked. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, yes even Roundguy from your favorite radio station came. When he read of your passing in the paper he called your dad. He played tributes to you all week. The song he put out the most was your favorite one by Ozzy Osborne --"See You On The Other Side". He played all Ozzy because he knew how much you liked him and all the times you would call in for some Ozzy music. So many people that came brought things, CD's, letters. roses. the fire dept brought you a new scanner. Your dad's union brought you a lapel pin, someone else brought you their walkman and headphones. All these things were put into the casket with you. I put in the blanket Grandma Shipp made for you before she passed, and the one I made for you the X-mas before you passed. We draped a blanket on each side . The headphones we put on you and the lapel pin also. There was so much stuff they could hardly close the casket. We wanted it to all go with you so we made sure they didn't take anything out. Everyone who brought things did it out of love for you. We wanted to honor that love.
We made large boards with all your pictures from when you were born and all the while you were growing up. We put these all around the room so everyone could share the memories. We wanted to celebrate your life. It was beautiful.
I remember standing by you for so long. just touching your hand. I wanted to just look at you for as long as I could. I needed to memorize every aspect of you. I knew it would be my last chance. Grandpa had to come and finally move me away. He told me other's wanted to spend time with you. He kept telling me that who I saw there in the casket was no longer you. It was only your earthly shell. A means of transportation for our soul, our spirit. That God had taken you home with him. You are safe in heaven. God knows all the hairs upon your head, and every aspect of you because He created you. It was hard to hear this. It was hard to hear anything people were saying. They said God must of needed another angel...He only takes the best..your in a better place....it was for the best...
I had no response to any of this. I just wanted you. It made me feel like I was selfish. All these people saying these things to me about how your in a better place and it is for the best. No more suffering. I felt so selfish for wanting you back with me.
Leaving the funeral home that night, it was the first time I had seen you since your death. I had waited 4 days to see you. Now I had to leave. It felt as if I was abandoning you. I didn't want to leave. I knew that I had little time left with you before the burrial.
The funeral was very nice. At the viewing we had everyone write a memory they had of you and we collected them. At the funeral the minister shared them with everyone. He also shared alot of memories he had of you. At the end of the service when your casket was rolled out the song that was played was "See You On The Other Side" by Ozzy. The morning of your funeral Roundguy again played tributes to you on the radio and mentioned your funeral. It was so hard to leave you at the cemetary. It just felt so wrong. How can a mother leave her child in that place? It's not normal. A mother should not be putting her child in the ground.
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