This online memorial was created in loving memory of Benjamin Shipp, whose life story is told throughout this memorial website. Please sign Benjamin's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember Benjamin forever.

Ben was born in waverly Iowa on Feb 10, 1979. He Entered into heaven on Nov 1, 2003. We miss him very much. Words cannot describe the emptyness we feel without Ben in our lives. This site is dedicated to his memory. To honor him and keep his memory alive.

Des Moines Register
Monday, November 3, 2003

Funeral services will be held Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Faith Independent Assembly of God.
Ben is a graduate of Ruby Van Meter School and worked at the Des Moines Fire Department. He was a kind hearted and fun loving gentleman. Ben will be missed by his mother, Martha Martinez; his father and stepmother, David and Bernita Shipp; sister, Amber Shipp; stepbrother, Mathew Lisk; stepsister, Mendy Lisk; maternal grandparents, Don and Shirley Koehn and paternal grandparents, James and Marilyn Shipp, and special friend, Kelly Schierholz.
He was preceded in death by his grandmother, Marlyn Shipp.

 I try so hard Ben to keep this thought in my mind.

'The will of God will never take me where the Grace of God will not protect me.'   

It is the only thread that holds me together. I know God has to be right next to me walking this journey with me. I just need to learn to lean on him, let him take control.  

My Dear Ben,

This site contains my journaling and pictures of you, It is all that I have left of  you. It is what comforts me even as it breaks my heart. This site is my attempt to grieve and yet also find meaning in your death.

I used to be afraid of dying. Just the thought of it made me panic. I was so afraid of the unknown. Now I no longer feel afraid to die. I know when that day comes, you will be there to clasp my hand and cross me over.

When you died, you became lost to me. It was as if you were just swept into the sea. My life stopped the day you died. It felt as if I was frozen in time, but life around me continued on. How could everyone around me go about their life as normal? It was hard to maintain my composure, but I felt I had to. I had to remain strong for those around me, my parent's, your sister and niece. I continue to feel this way. To "let go" would mean it would hurt all those around me. Friends and family look on me as a "strong survivor". What they don't understand is that I push myself. I am on automatic. I do this in order to NOT fall apart. I feel I can't let them see the crack inside my soul, my heart that is torn in half. I can't let them see my tears, or hear my pleas  to God to just give me one more day with you. I feel if they saw this they wouldn't know what to do. I feel I need to protect them from seeing the pain inside my heart and soul.

I dream now of the day when my responsibilities will finally be over and I will finally get to that "sea".

Never to hear you laugh again,

Never to feel your hug again,

Never to hear you say, " I love you mom",

Forever to keep you in my heart,

Forever to love you,

Forever to be your mother,

Forever to be my son.

You are not here, but yet you are here.

You are gone, but yet you are not gone.

     I love you Ben.........mom

This site is dedicated to my Son Ben. It is a voice to speak out to all the parents, families, and loved ones of vulnerable children, and adults.

My son died due to mistakes made by case management, and an agency that was supposed to be there to provide the services that he needed.

To all you parents out there that are considering the placement of your child,-- minor or adult, please check the agency well. Demand copies of all the paperwork. Spot check the site. Show up when they least expect you. It was a simple little piece of paperwork that would of taken 5 minutes to fill out, that cost my son his life, and a void in the hearts of his family. We are the only voices these children and adult children have. We need to be there to advocate for them.

Ben's spirit lives on and is celebrated here in this site.

My heart will never feel whole, for a part of it is missing.--The part that Ben took with him. I've learned some things about my heart because of Ben, his life and his death. I've learned not to cling to tightly to this world. I've learned that my heart doesn't belong to me- but to God, and to those I love and who love me.

Memories are a vital part of our healing. Sometimes it feels like memories aren't enough.--You can't hug a memory.,Memories have a way of hugging our hearts when they need to smile. when someone we love dies, memories are not simple moments of remembrance. They become a place we visit. A place where love lives on and with the passing of time, help us smile again. Memories become like gold and they are the only way we can embrace our loved ones in our hearts. Memories are some of our most valued and cherrished possessions in this life. They give us wings and take us to those special places in our heart that never forget.

There are times an unexpected memory brings with it great sadness. I could sit all day and cry my heart out without ever stopping. I don't think sadness is why we are given the gift of memories. Memories represent what is most precious in life--our relationships. No amount of money on  earth could pay for even one of a grievers memories.

I don't know why God put Ben into my life only to take him away. This question comes to my heart often. I can only calm my heart with the words from  Isa:55, 9 ," For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts"

God is wiser than I, and he loved Ben no less than I did. I also know that God allowed me a glimpse of eternity thru the eyes of those he left behind who had been touched or changed by Ben"s life.

My son is not my PAST. HE IS MY FUTURE. we do not stop carrying those we love in our hearts and minds because we can't see or touch them. Their memories remain alive as an active part of our lives. Honoring memories is about preserving the gifts of love God allowed to grace our lives with on this earth. It's a holy love that dwells in the places carved inside our  hearts by love itself. If's part of the reason we are Who we are.

We are taught of a God we cannot see--who will hold and comfort us.I know now that I would not have been able to come to this step in my journey in grief without Gods hand in mine. God's grace has carried me--not because I had great faith, but because I had great NEED.

This site is dedicated to cherrish the memories made with Ben, his friends and family. To honor his life, and to bring closure to my pain and to grieve  forward one day at a time.

God meets us individually in our mourning and he has held me up in my greatest time of need.

For all the friends and loved ones who share the intimate things in this site, I hope you will remember Ben with your own treasured  memories and a smile...........

      Love NEVER Forgets....we miss you Ben

letter to Ben  / Rose Terrel (friend) Growing up with you around really changed me. It made me grow as a person, and I realize now that it made me sensitive early on. I remember when Amber told me  she had a brother. We had just moved in down the street and I said to her " Is he cute?" Her reply to me was "yeah, you can be his girlfriend"  And from that point on, I think you asked me at least twice a week to be your girlfriend. Sometimes I would say no, but then the other times I would say yes just so I could see the look on your face. It was always the same look of happiness, yet you were kind of confused because my usual answer was no. I will never forget the way you thought you owned SW 17th st.! Riding around on your bicycle, pop in hand, ready to fight anybody who said anything different. Or how you would sit on the back of your dad's big blue boat and play with your wrestling buddies. It was so amazing to me that you could play with wrestlers but still have it in you to be one of the sweetest people in the world. You and Amber would fight over the silliest things, but if she ever needed you, she knew you would stick up for her. You always had her back and there were countless nights she and I would walk up to Git N Go and we would come back to locked doors. That was okay though, because we knew we could just throw a rock at your window and you would come down and let us in. And I want to say to you now, Ben, If there was anything I said to you that ever hurt you, I'm sorry. You were a wonderful person to have around. You were a great Uncle Ben, a good brother, and an all-around fun, happy person. You will be greatly missed by everybody because you touched us all in a special way. You will always be a part of the "17th street gang" that I grew up with... Fly away sweet angel, Heaven needs you now..                                   Rose

DO NOT STAND AT MY GRAVE AND WEEP
By Mary E. Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain.
I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush.
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the star shine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom;
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing;
I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

   

given by Sharon after Bens passing  / Martha Martinez (Mom)
 

" Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I , and you are you: whatever we were to each other, that we are still. call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into you tone: wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, Smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same that it ever was: there is absolutely unbroken continuity. What is this death but a gateway? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. All is well"

                             ~~~ Henry Scott Holland~~~

Letter to Ben  / Theresa McElvogue (Friend)
 

To My Ben

To all the people in my life,

From the beginning to the end

You've been a special blessing, Ben, my dear faithful friend.

You've filled my life with laughter, shared sorrow joys and tears,

You've waled me through the years. It's meant so much to me

that you felt I was one that you could trust. When you needed

someone to listen , you knew I was there. When you weathered

the storms of life you knew I'd be there, and you knew I was one

who cared.

So in this circle of life, from the beginning to the end

I was blessed to have you by my side Ben, my dear special friend.

For the rest of my life, you will never be forgotten

                                    I love you always,

                                    Theresa McElvogue

What A Grieving Mother Really Thinks  / Martha Martinez (Mom)
What a Grieving Mother Really Thinks
Copyright Kelly Cummings

Hello old friend, Oh yes you know I lost my child a while ago.
No, no please... Don’t look away or change the subject. It’s ok.
You see, at first I couldn’t feel, it took so long, but now it’s real.
I hurt so much inside you see I need to talk, come sit with me?
You see, I was numb for so very long, and people said, “My, She is so strong.”
They did not know I couldn’t feel, my broken heart made all unreal.
But then one day, as I awoke I clutched my chest, began to choke,
Such a scream, such a wail broke from me...
My child! My child!
The horror of reality.
But everyone has moved on, you see, everyone except for me.
Now, when I need friends most of all,
Between us there now stands a wall.
My pain is more than they can bear,
When I mention my child,
I see their blank stare.
“But I thought you were over it,”
Their eyes seem to say,
No, no, I can’t listen to this, not today.
So I smile and pretend, and say, “Oh, I’m ok”.
But inside I am crying, as I turn away.
And so my old friend, I shall paint on a smile,
As I have from the start,
You never knowing all the while,
All I’ve just said to you in my heart

"The Cord"
Author Unknown

We are connected
My child and I
By an invisible cord
Not seen by the eye
It's not like the cord
That connected us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By anyone on earth
This cord does its work
Right from the start
It bonds us together
Attached at the heart
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me
The strength of this cord
It's hard to describe
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test,
Can hold any weight
And though you are gone,
Though you are not here with me
The cord is still there,
But no one can see
It pulls my heart
I am bruised...I am sore
But this cord is my lifetime
As never before
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A Mother and a Child
Death can't take away